Monday, February 27, 2017

Sakinah mawaddah wa rahmah

Tazkirah

Marriage is a blessed sacred union between a man and a woman. Allah swt had ordained it and given some of its main purposes in the two ayats below

وَقُلْنَا يَا آدَمُ اسْكُنْ أَنتَ وَزَوْجُكَ الْجَنَّةَ وَكُلَا مِنْهَا رَغَدًا حَيْثُ شِئْتُمَا وَلَا تَقْرَبَا هَٰذِهِ الشَّجَرَةَ فَتَكُونَا مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ
‏And We said: O Adam! Dwell you and your wife in the garden and eat from it a plenteous (food) wherever you wish and do not approach this tree, for then you will be of the unjust.

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

‏And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.
From these 2 ayats, we can extract some valuable gems on this sacred union

1. sakinah سكينة
Allah swt had used this word in both the ayats
اسكن - لتسكنوا
What does sakinah means? It comprises of 3 main components
A) rest, enjoyment, bliss - الراحة
B) peace, tranquility, calm- الطمانينة
C) stability- الاستقرار
Hence when someone feels sakinah, he feels rest, enjoyment, bliss, peacefulness, tranquility and calmness in addition to stability. Hence this is the main purpose of marriage- having all the above. If our marriage are devoid of these, then something is definitely wrong somewhere. If we return home and instead of finding rest, enjoyment, bliss, tranquillity and stability, but the opposite, we have to check why. We have to return back to the Quran and the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet saw. We need to check what when wrong and why it is not working.

2. Mawaddah- مودة
Which means love- whether it is physically (sexually) or emotionally. Mujahid rah explain that mawaddah in this ayah means sexual intercourse.
It can also means affection. Hence another purpose of marriage is so that we can obtain love from our spouse both physically and emotionally. Dont let the spark died down. Both husband and wife need to play their part. Keep the flame on.

3. rahmah- رحمة
Which means compassion and mercy. Rahmah came from the root word رحم which also means the womb of the mother. And the womb (i) is a complete and total protection and care to the baby; (ii) is a place for complete development for the baby. Hence when we say rahmah, it encompasses compassion, mercy, total protection and care and development of growth and this is the marriage in Islam. The spouses need to have mercy, compassion with each other and at the same time protects and care for the half and becomes a means for growth and development for each other.

So lets us work on our marriage by following the Guide from the Quran and our Beloved Rasullullah saw and inshaallah our marriage will achieve sakinah, mawaddah and rahmah. We have to learn and re-learn how to make our marriage works and inshaallah we will find there is no better متاع- pleasure in his world than a good spouse and marriage.

And our beloved prophet (saw) had shown us many ways for us to improve our marriage practically and increasing the sakinah, mawaddah and rahmah without compromising the romance and other aspects. Below are some of the gems from the prophet saw:

1. Drinking and eating from one place
‎قَالَ: سَمِعْتُ عَائِشَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا تَقُولُ: «كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يُنَاوِلُنِي الْإِنَاءَ فَأَشْرَبُ مِنْهُ وَأَنَا حَائِضٌ، ثُمَّ أُعْطِيهِ فَيَتَحَرَّى مَوْضِعَ فَمِي , فَيَضَعُهُ عَلَى فيه)

Aisha radiallahu anha says that the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam gave me a vessel (cup)   And I drank from it while I was still in menses and then I gave to him the cup and he salallahu alaihi wasslam take this cup and search for the place where the lips of his beloved wife made contact.  Upon finding the place where his wife drank from the cup, he would put his lips on the very same place so that his lips have touched the place where her lips touched.  (Nasaii)

When there was meat to eat, Aisha radiallahu anha would take a bite.  The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam would take the meat from her hand and again place his mouth the very same place where his wife ate from.  This would add taste of love to his food.
Do things together with your wife.  Do not just eat at the same time and on the same tablecloth, but eat from the same plate.  Or drink from the same cup. Let alone the same plate, eat together from the same food.  This will bond the hearts so close to one another.  When everything your wife comes into contact with becomes more beloved to you than food itself, imagine what it will do to the flame of love between both of you. And doing things with jamaah will increase the bondship between each other. Even if your husband came late back home, spend time together with him and eat together with him. If you have ate, just accompany him and be his dinner companion.

2. Kissing
‎عَنْ عَائِشَةَ رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهَا: «أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ كَانَ يُقَبِّلُهَا وَهُوَ صَائِمٌ»

Aishah radhillahu anha narrated that verily the Prophet sallahu alaihi wassalam kiss her (even) when he is fasting.

Compliment your spouse physically often with kisses.  When exiting the house, make it habit you leave by coming into contact with your spouse.  When returning home, along with saying salām to her, show that you have missed her dearly.  When your husband going out, see him off and kiss him. Greet him with a smile when he returns.

The Prophet sallahu alaihi wassalam was also reported that he kissed his wives before going to the mosque for solah.

Surprise her with a kiss.  You have to show your love.  Love is the fuel of marriage; if you desire your marriage to progress, you have to express your love in every way you can, physically and emotionally.

Physical relations in a marriage are very important. Show your spouse you love him/her.  Shariah promotes romance and physical relations between the husband and wife.

... to be continued biiznillah
Abuhanzolah mohamad zahri

Wallahualam bissowab
Abuhanzolah mohamad zahri